I Don’t Do Sarcasm Anymore … I’m Post-Ironic

What the fuck is wrong with the BBC lately? An article about David Cameron’s hairstyle is currently on the front page of BBC news.

Mr Cameron, who normally parts his hair to one side, had a new look for the clash with Gordon Brown on Wednesday.

How the fuck is this news, and who the fuck cares?

When I wake up on a Saturday morning with a hangover and drag myself out of bed to meet my friends at the university library to do some studying, I fully expect to actually get some studying done.

It was all going well for the first few hours when we were in our private study room, but then when we went to another section of the library, I met the biggest idiot of the week. Now, the library has places for group work where you can talk to each other, and then it has other places for silent study. This was one of those silent areas. So anyway, I sat down and started opening my books, when I noticed the guy next to me reading out his essay/notes/whatever out loud.

I tried to ignore it but then I found myself learning more about his subject, which appeared to be about how to make yourself look like a flying turd, than my own. Five minutes later the guy appeared to suffer from a case of fucktarditis and began to repeat his words with a few drops of stuttering for extra effect. He saw me giving him the evils and yet carried on.

“…may be demonstrated, d-d-demonstrated, may be demonstrated…”

Fuck off.

I looked over and he was rocking backwards and forwards reading out his work. Everyone around him was obviously getting annoyed but no one said anything, so I decided it was time to make my move. N-n-no idiot is going to take away precious studying time from my friends and I during this month of woe.

I opened up a random page in my book and started reading out loud, copying the guy with his random repeating and rocking. A bunch of people started to laugh quietly to themselves, and after I was almost done with my first paragraph about to move on to the second, the guy got up and left.

I win, motherfucker.

Today marks the 93rd anniversary of the Armenian Genocide in which 1.5 million Armenians were systematically killed by the “Young Turk” government of the Ottoman Empire. Armenians all over the world commemorate this tragedy on April 24, because it was on this day in 1915 when 300 Armenian leaders, writers, thinkers and professionals were rounded up, deported and killed in Constantinople (present day Istanbul). Also on that day, 5,000 of the poorest Armenians were butchered in the streets and in their homes.

I should like to see any power of the world try to destroy this race, this small tribe of unimportant people, whose wars have all been fought and lost, whose structures have crumbled, whose literature is unread, music is unheard, and prayers are no more answered. Go ahead, destroy Armenia. See if you can do it. Send them into the desert without food or water, burn their homes and churches. Then see if they will not laugh, sing and pray again. For when two of them meet anywhere in the world, see if they will not create a new Armenia.

-William Saroyan

In 2006, an award-winning documentary called Screamers was made, starring Armenian band System of a Down. The film explores why genocide has recurred in the modern day, and also examines genocide denial in current day Turkey. Watch the trailer below, and if you’re interested in buying the DVD, you can do so from Amazon.

Hrant Dink, an Armenian journalist living in Turkey known for advocating Turkish-Armenian reconciliation, was often critical of Turkey’s denial of the Armenian Genocide. He was prosecuted three times for denigrating Turkishness, and received numerous death threats from Turkish nationalists. In 2007 he was killed by a 17 year old Turkish nationalist. To this day, the Turkish government denies the genocide ever took place.

To date, 22 countries officially recognise the Armenian Genocide. The USA and UK are not one of them. Help raise awareness of the Armenian Genocide and other genocides around the world. Tell your friends and tell them to tell their friends. Join the facebook groups and check out all the links on there. Invite your friends.
Մենք քիչ ենք, սակայն մեզ հայ են ասում…

I was in a bar last night with a friend, when I remembered that I had to text one of my uni friends with what time to meet up later on today. I got out my phone, started writing my message of “hey, let’s meet at 1?” except, what I actually ended up writing and sending was “sex, let’s meet at 1?”

Remember kids, don’t drink and text.

Haven’t shown any magic for a while.
Can’t be bothered to record a new trick.
Here’s an old one.

Dear Channel 5,
Thanks a fucking lot for ruining Neighbours 30 seconds before it started with your stupid fucking commentary. Your channel is shit, your presenters are shit, and all the shows you show (except Neighbours and CSI) are shit. Go fuck yourselves.

Dear Oprah Winfrey,
“Oprah Winfrey plans to dedicate Friday’s episode of her daytime TV talker to her beloved Cocker Spaniel, Sophie, who died last month from kidney failure.”
No one cares. (Except Elizabeth who wants to bum you).

Dear Perez Hilton,
Stop referring to yourself in the plural. It’s getting fucking old.

Dear people who can’t spell,
You see those red lines under all those words you just typed? They aren’t there for fucking decoration.

Dear Madonna,
Your songs are shit, your dancing is shit, your face is shit. Why are you still here?

Dear Republicans,
Fuck off.

Dear Angelina Jolie,
Fuck me.

So I just got back from a huge ass pillow fight in central London. It’s an annual worldwide event and is totally kickass. I think it happened in 26ish cities worldwide this year?

So anyway, everyone gathered in Leicester Square with pillows hidden in plastic bags. Then someone did a countdown from 10 and then out of nowhere hundreds of pillows appeared and the fight began. The tourists were all like “what the fuck?” which was hilarious. There were a bunch of photographers and a few video crews and I did my best to avoid them but I cannot be sure I fully succeeded. London is so great that half an hour into the fight, it started snowing. A full on snow blizzard along with thousands of feathers flying about everywhere = awesome. I suggest you all bookmark the website and try to go to the one nearest your city next year.

Afterwards, we were walking to Subway with our pillows and a woman with her daughter stopped us.

Woman: What’s going on here?
Us: It’s world pillow fight day!
Woman: Oh. Is it a student thing?
Us: No.
Woman: Oh. Is it for charity?
Us: No.
Woman. Oh. *pause* what is it for then?
Us: For fun!
Woman: Oh.

Haha.

Now while I go and find some aspirin for my huge headache and some ice for all the bumps, you can enjoy the photos below.
[Read more]

America. Are you actually fucking serious? Really? First you got rid of The O.C., decided that that wasn’t enough, so you told Gilmore Girls to fuck off along with Veronica Mars. AND NOW, now you fucking fuckers, you are getting rid of The L Word.

Season 5 is going to end in 2 weeks and then the final season is going to have 8 episodes. Yes folks, we’re not even getting a full fucking season. What the fuck can you show in 8 fucking episodes? The fucking credits maybe if you’re lucky.

Showtime executives and series creator/executive producer Ilene Chaiken believed that eight additional episodes were creatively what was needed to wrap up the story lines.

Showtime, are you fucking kidding me? Do I look like I give two shits about what is creatively needed? Do the Showtime executives even watch the show? Apart from The L Word and Dexter, the network is about as good as finding out you have herpes and then getting farted in the face.

Chaiken, who created the series with Kathy Greenberg and Michele Abbott, said the show will live on, interactively.

“This is by no means the end of ‘The L Word,”‘ she said. “The brand and the social network community, OurChart.com, will continue to live [as a] lasting tribute to what ‘The L Word’ has accomplished.”

WHO THE FUCK EVEN VISITS OURCHART.COM? I just went on it now to see what was on there, and let me tell you, it sucks. WHAT IS IT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE? Do I look like I want to talk to other fans of the show about storylines that will never happen? NO. Do I look like I want to make a fucking profile so that other people can find me? NO. Do I look like I will ever fucking visit ourchart.com again? FUCKING NO.

GO FUCK YOURSELVES SHOWTIME. AND WHEN YOU’RE DONE, GO FUCK JENNIFER FUCKING SCHECTER.

Note: If any actors/creators associated with The L Word ever read this, then all the hate above is not directed towards you and don’t hate me please. :p

It’s one thing when photographers are following famous people around but it’s a whole new ball game when I’m the one being harassed.

On Friday night after coming out of my new favourite hangout, I decided to go to Subway to feed the hunger which always occurs after having a drink or 11.

So, my friend and I are sitting on the floor in the middle of Leicester Square eating our subs when we spot a guy standing in front of us trying to take a picture. My friend looks down and I jump up and turn around so my back is to him. The fucker is just standing there smiling and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere so I walk off to the side with my back still to him. Now the last time I checked, I wasn’t famous. I don’t even look like any famous people (they all look like me ;p) so I don’t know what he thought he was taking a picture of. After a few minutes I turn around and the coast seems to be clear so I go back and stand next to my friend and take a bite out of my sub. Oh wait … what’s that? Is it George Clooney coming over to ask for my hand in marriage? No, it’s the freak with the camera hiding behind a couple. He knows that I have seen him so he takes a photo, waves and smiles, then runs off. I consider chasing him but my feet are too busy being tortured by my shoes so that doesn’t happen.

So now there’s a loser out there with my photo. I hope it burns his eyes.