I Don’t Do Sarcasm Anymore … I’m Post-Ironic

A great poet once said:

“Those born in the land where in God they trust, more than likely are annoying.”

My studies have proven this statement to be a factual one. Now, I won’t lie to you. On the outside these aliens may appear normal, and hell, they may even seem like nice and fun beings to be around. But no my friends, my experience with them has been a long and difficult one.

I know you are all wondering, “how do I differentiate between an alien and a person just like me and you?”, good question and the answer is simple. These aliens are usually bone-headed, funny accented, and generally a pain in the ass. The onset of the pain in the ass usually takes about 0.5 seconds to kick in once exposed. You may also feel the urge to point and laugh, or perhaps accidentally slip that banana peel you had been holding whilst looking for a rubbish bin in front of them, causing an accident which would be made funnier at the fact that no one would want to help after hearing the cries of “oh ma lawrd, hyelp myeah!”. You may have heard of the “fight or flight” response we humans have when faced with danger. Well, these aliens, in all their alien glory like to instead faux metamorphose into faux pigeons, the action of which was once described by another great poet:

“if one intends to emote tears, flapping one’s hands will not blow them away, but may instead lead one to accidentally slap oneself in the face.”

Nobody likes pigeons now, do they?

Now don’t get me wrong, not all aliens are bad. Studies have shown that they’re only one letter [U] away from learning the alphabet and taking that step forward in learning how to spell words. Like humour. Similar to a great food known as houmous but not quite. Their leader knows all about houmous. He enjoys it with pretzels.

These aliens, led by a being who is not only a great cowboy and fisherman, but also an impeccable public speaker, I believe should not be given up on yet.

God Bless U.S. and A.[ngelina].